On Frozen Water - NHL 12 Simulation

*Post courtesy Dan Hershberg*

Gentlemen, hockey addicts, esteemed members of OFW,

There comes a time in a man's life when he is overtaken by a morbid curiosity, a sensibility that forces him to make decisions that would otherwise seem inane, ludicrous and foolhardy. These decisions are often influenced by alcohol or boredom; in this case, it was a crippling tonic with just the right amount of each. Regardless of the confluence of factors that led me to this point, I arrived here confidently--if not tipsy--and I am here to share with you the results of my actions.

I simulated our Fantasy Hockey League on NHL 12. And it. Was. Awesome.

Part One: Logistics
While not quite as awesome as this, the logistics of the simulation were a crucial first step in turning this boozy dream into a magical reality. NHL 12 is insanely dope, but despite the ability to create custom teams or start a Fantasy Draft, it won't allow for a 12-team league to compete in a full season. After a bit of tinkering, the best option was to create a 16-team tournament (it was either 8 or 16 teams) and play out the competition in round robin format. Each team was created and placed in an 8-team pool with 5 other OFW teams and two pushovers. To avoid any crossover between rosters and ensure minimal interference, Ukraine, France, Italy and Kazakhstan were selected to join the league. 

Each team would play their fellow pool members 7 times (creating a 49-game season) before moving onto the playoffs. There was no option for cross-pool play during the tournament, so the Eastern European Unibrow brawl between Ukraine and Kazakhstan would have to be put on hold. Sorry, this guy. After round robin play, all 16 teams would be reseeded and face off in best of 7 series' until a winner was determined. 

Part Two: Input
The next minor hurdles centered around roster creation and naming, as well as finding something to eat. Since there is no custom option for team names, I opted to keep first and last initials of teams in tact and use similar names when possible. Below you'll see the pools and team names:

Pool A
Milwaukee Misfits (Josh O)
Landshut Alpines (K Stew)
St. Paul Blades (Mike B)
La Chaux De Fonds Magicians (Kyle) 
Moose Jaw Blizzards (Deaver)
Weisswasser Renegades (Kataja)
Ukraine
France

Pool B
St. Paul Stingers (Paul) 
Brampton Barracudas (Serratore)
Albany Fourth Liners (Aaron)
Drummondville Stallions (Justin)
Regina Chiefs (Josh G)
Peterborough Falcons (Hersh)
Italy
Kazakhstan

Some talking points from these team names:

1. La Chaux De Fonds Magicians sounds like a cheap Montreal strip club owned by Gob Bluth and is without question the best name in the group
2. Two St. Paul teams lead to one fierce, fake rivalry. BLADES! STINGERS! 
3. I got confused during my after-drink drink and flipped the first and last initials of some teams, i.e., Antti Laaksotive became Landshut Alpines. 

Once all the team names were in order, the next matter of business was to fill in the rosters. A complete roster needed 23 players and since our league only carries up to 22 players with both IR slots filled, I had to get a bit creative with the final spot(s) for certain teams. I settled on selecting AHL'ers from whichever affiliate that member actually roots for. So the Landshut Alpines were filled in with Stu Bickell and Wade Redden. The latter move put him $25 million over the cap and dropped attendance in Landshut Arena by 30%. Along those lines, only one team was cap compliant: the Regina Chiefs, coming in with $4 million to spend at the deadline. However, fake-Josh opted to use the $4 million on re-entry waiver selections. The rosters also allowed for only 4 goalies, so teams with 5 had their lowest rated player dropped and filled with an AHL replacement.

It was also curious to see how NHL 12 rated our completed teams. Benji's St. Paul Blades came in at a staggering 99, largely on the strength of a healthy Sidney Crosby and Henrik Lundqvist between the pipes. Kataja's Weisswasser Renegades weren't far behind, rated at 97. But what's truly impressive in the game is its realism and ability to rate owners: Stewart's Landshut Alpines brought up the rear at 87 overall, lending credence to the overwhelming belief his flukey first-place position won't last long.

Part Three: Regular Season/Pool Play
With the administrative work done, the time finally came to what nobody was waiting for: game time. 

The Weisswasser Renegades (Kataja) and Brampton Barracudas (Jim) went wire to wire in the pole position, earning a cake-walk matchup in the first round of the playoffs against one of the international squads. Deaver's Moose Jaw Blizzards took 2nd place in Pool A, but Pool B went back and forth due to an epic collapse by Albany (Aaron), which saw them fall from 2nd place all the way to 6th in the last 2 weeks of the season. A loss to Italy and a home ice tie with the Kazakhs will do that to you. Henrik Zetterberg (70 points in 49 games) and Alexander Ovechkin (35 goals in 49 games) led the scoring race, while Lundqvist paced the goalies with a 26-8 record, along with a 1.87 GAA. Life wasn't as pretty for the Nuge, as the rookie played in only 24 games for the Barracudas, scoring 1 goal and 2 assists. 

But where the the game didn't pick up on the realism of the likely Calder winner, it was spot on with some other simulations. France's Cristobal Huet had a rough tourney, finishing up with a 2-38 record, along with a 5.68 GAA and .851 SV PCT. Rumor had it that the French coach, Jean-Pierre Chirac-Bealiveau La Toulouse, attempted to bury him in the AHL but the waiver system wouldn't allow it (Josh tried to pick him up too, then drop him). Italy also found itself at the bottom of the table, largely due to an 0-26 record away from Il Colloseo and a staggering 28 SHG allowed. In 49 games. Bravissimo on the backchecking boys. 

Part Four: The Postseason
2 months in 5 minutes. Thankfully, we can't simulate the actual postseason. 

Round 1
The top seed, Kataja's Weisswasser easily handled Italy, sweeping a 4-game series and stealing Mario Batali's crocs in the process.
Justin's 2nd seeded Stallions also swept aside the Ukrainians in 4 games, despite Nik Antropov's best efforts.
3rd seeded La Chaux De Fonds (Kyle) took out the 6th seed Fourth Liners (Aaron) in 6 games, capping a dramatic fall from grace.
The first "upset" of the first round saw the 5th seeded Milwaukee Misfits (Ouellette) knock off 4th seeded Falcons (Me. NO!) in 6 games. 

On the other side of the bracket, the top two seeds also advanced with sweeps over international competition, as Jim's Brampton took down France (c'est la vie Cristobal) and Deaver's Moose Jaw snowed out the Kazakhs. 
The only 7-game series of the first round, Josh's Chiefs came back from a 3-1 deficit against K Stew's Alpines, after Landshut dropped his top 4 leading scorers and traded his best prospects for Calgary Flames.
As luck would have it, both St. Paul teams matched up, but the heated rivalry was decidedly one-sided as Benji's Blades took out the brooms against their inner-city neighbors, Paul's Stingers. 

Round 2Kataja's Weisswasser must have thought Ouellette was Huet's backup, as he swept the Misfits like they were Parisians. 4-0 and onto the Conference Finals.
Justin's Stallions continued their remarkable rise from real-life doormat to video-game power player, as they outlasted Kyle's Magicians in a dramatic 7-game series that saw teams alternate wins from start to finish.
The top-seeded Barracudas (Jim) saw their season end at the hands of Benji's Blades in a 5-game series.
Josh's Chiefs reminded everyone that they were good last year in crunch time as well, sweeping aside Deaver's Blizzards with relative ease. 4-0, wow.

Round 3Shit got crazy, yo.

In one Conference Final, Kataja's Weisswasser took on Justin's Stallions. 1 versus 2 promised to be a barn burner...but Drummondville and their Stallions won the first 3 games on their way to a 4-1 win and a trip to the OFW Cup. 
Across the way, Regina (Josh) faced off against St. Paul (Benji). The series saw the road team win every game until Game 7, when Josh's Regina (haha, sounds like Josh's vagina) flipped the script and booked a matchup with Drummondville in the final.

OFW CupJust like we predicted (!), 2 of the bottom 3 teams in our actual league battled it out in the finals. But that's what happened and it was only appropriate that the Finals in the OFW Cup came down to a 7-game series. In a stunning David vs. Goliath battle (ironic, since both guys top out at 5'6"), Justin's Drummondville Stallions defeated the defending champion, Josh's Regina Chiefs 4-3. Game 7 was one for the ages, a 1-0 shutout win for the Cam Ward-led Stallions. 

Part Five: Re-simulation
For shits and giggles, I simulated the same league in its entirety 9 more times to see if Justin's win was a fluke or a deserving title.
Attempt 2: Justin swept Aaron 4-0
Attempt 3: Kataja beat Benji 4-1
Attempt 4: Kataja beat Deaver 4-2
Attempt 5: Benji beat Kataja 4-3
Attempt 6: Kataja beat Benji 4-2
Attempt 7: Kataja beat Benji 4-3
Attempt 8: Benji beat Kyle 4-3
Attempt 9: Ouellette beat Jim 4-2
Attempt 10: Kataja beat Benji 4-3

So while Justin won the first two attempts, it appears the highest rated teams got the most love, as Kataja's Weisswassser Renegades won 5 out of 10 championships. 

Enjoy these results fellas, because we all know I'm not losing the real thing.

First Quarter Season Update

With 6 weeks down in the regular season and 15 weeks left until the playoffs start, the tops contenders are starting to separate themselves from the bottom 3 or 4 teams.
We saw a few bigger trades go down this past week and a few more on the horizon according to the trade rumor mill.

Crosby's Headaches are gone... Enter... The A Line and new owner, Aaron Chalal. In his first week as the new GM, he led his team to an impressive 10-2 victory over Frenchie and his Baby Bites. Ouellette may need to take some bigger bites if he wants to avoid 'relegation' at the end of this season. One trade has happened already for him, are more moves coming? Time will tell...

Let's take a look at how things shape up so far in terms of the overall standings:
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1. Brosef Beranek 42-19-11 (95 pts)
2. Antti Laaksotive 39-27-6 (84 pts)
3. 99 Pat Falloons 38-24-10 (86 pts)
4. Le Magnifique 35-27-10 (80 pts)
5. Dry Island All-Stars 34-30-8 (76 pts)
6. Blades of Steel 35-32-5 (75 pts)
7. I Just Blue Myself 32-32-8 (72 pts)
8. Whalers Revenge 31-32-9 (71 pts)
9. Simmonds All-Stars 31-38-3 (65 pts)
10. The A Line 24-39-9 (57 pts)
11. Returning Champion 24-41-7 (55 pts)
12. Take Baby Bites 20-44-8 (48 pts)
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With 15 weeks left to play in the regular season, A LOT can happen, that's for sure, especially with the random injury bugs that tend to effect teams and the occasional forgetting to set your lineup on a holiday.


Contender... or Pretender?1. Brosef Beranek (95 pts) - Clear playoff contender
-I would liken Serratore's team to that of a REALLY great night out on the town with a hot excort. You have a fantastic dinner, one of the best tasting steaks in the word, some expensive wine, maybe some dancing and fist pumping later on in the night.. yet, you still have in the back of your mind that this all has to end at some point. Just depends on how much you're willing to shell out in the end. Can Serratore keep it up? Will his team escort him into the playoffs? Will anyone find these analogies humorous? Can Kstews boxfade get any tighter?
*OUTLOOK* The team itself is probably one of the most well-rounded teams in the league with a few surprise leaders early on, with Nugent-Hopkins and Khabibulin stepping up big for the Oilers and Serratore. Not only are his young guns stepping up early in the season, but his veterans are supplying him with the fire power he needs to win this thing. As long as a stray injury doesn't take down a top player or two, expect to see the Brosef's at the top of the standings all year long.


2. Antti Laaksotive (84 pts) - Contender (for now...)
-This team's just like that one ugly dancer at a raunchy strip club. She keeps begging to give you a lapper, yet you keep refusing to believe that it'll be any good, laughing it off with your buddies. Eventually you have enough to drink and give in... turns out it's just as bad as you thought it would be, but you tell your buddies it was incredible and she even handled your business hoping for a big tip (no dice on both accounts).. You're merely trying to save face and keep the shame to yourself, even when you're plastered and have an excuse. It was that bad.
*OUTLOOK* With that said, KStew will see a decline in success as a few injuries plague his team and his goaltending situation becomes a bit grim over the next 4-6 weeks. Sell sell sell.

3. 99 Pat Falloons (86 pts) - Playoff contender
-Think of Hersh's team as that ugly stepchild who grew up living the hard-knock life, never was able to settle in one place for too long, and people may have written him off after a rough year, then finally.. it ALL comes together for him and things just click. The world is now looking up to him, he finally has respect and power. Eventually he abuses this power and tries to become the next Jim Jones and starts creating his own 'rainbow family'. Things are going well but something happens and things get all fucked up and Hersh Jones ends up selling nachos at Sixers games.
*OUTLOOK* Oh dear lord.. the beast has risen and he is pissed off ladies and gents. After a slow start for a few guys, this team is ready to go undefeated in the rest of its weekly matchups. Although he claims he's weak in net, Hersh still towers over 3/4 of the league with his army he has in net, esp if Quick goes down with an injury or his play starts to waiver and Bernier steps into the spotlight in LA. The offensive fire power should provide him with category wins each week which should lead him DEEP into the playoffs, only cheap beers and whores can derail this train.

4. Le Magnifique (80 pts) - Playoff contender
-I absolutely despise reviewing my own team, but whatever.. we're all our own toughest critics, right?
*OUTLOOK* Anyways, things have gotten off to a great start with the likes of Kessel and Vanek and Pavelski all hitting double digit goal totals this early in the season... and with THAT said, Kessel/Vanek are out, Toews/Letang are in via a trade with Kataja. Also in that trade was the swapping of netminders, Kataja getting an injured Ryan Miller, with Halak coming back my way. Now, this is a risky move as I give up one of the better goalies in the league (albeit he's tapered off over the past season+ due to wear and tear and a defense that was not what it is this year) but alas, he's fighting injuries and I needed help in net, BAD, as the Tampa goalie situation isn't one that I'm fond of owning. If Halak can give me 30 wins, a sub-2.40 GAA and 5 SOs the rest of the way, I'll be mostly happy.

5. Dry Island All-Stars (76 pts) - Pretender
-This team reminds me of the time that I went to Atlantic City with some friends for an extended weekend of fun.(AKA my bachelor party) Especially the one night where we ate and drank like kings, rolled some dice, laid some chips down on double 0 and walked away big winners, took over the DJ booth in a club, drank a hand full of Coronas (I only know this from the pictures), met and hung out with a group of chicks who were sketchy at best (didn't stop our one buddy from testing the waters in a bathroom staal of a bar in Cesear's) ..........................and then I blacked out, ended up walking up the boardwalk by myself back to our hotel. Along the way, I made friends with an off duty cop from Virginia who was in town for the weekend. My phone had died about 45 minutes prior to me stumbling up to what I THOUGHT was one of our two rooms, and it took what seemed like 2 hours to finally find 'my room', only to wake up, after passing out under the sink in the bathroom, to my buddies laughing hysterically to this sight, along with the fact that I had ended up in our OTHER room and not the room that I was staying in.. oh, and I broke my digital camera somehow too... Needless to say, the ride back from AC to Connecticut SUCKED and my then fiance/now wife, didn't speak to me for the better part of a day and a half.. probably for the better as I had a REALLY bad headache.
*OUTLOOK* This team is good, don't get me wrong, otherwise Justin wouldn't be sitting in 5th place right now. But his goaltending will most certainly present a major problem for him as Mason has blown balls and is now injured, probably won't regain his starting spot for a while, if not the season once Dekanich comes back health. Backstrom is bound to injure something by February.. and Cam Ward can only to SO MUCH with a Carolina team in front of him who don't know whether they want to compete for a playoff spot themselves or make a run for the top prize in the Nail Yakupov Sweepstakes.

Offense will be the only thing that keeps Justin alive, but with a few shaky vets that may prove to be more frustrating than someone spiking your white russians with exlax (we once did this to Braband back in college.. it was a night to remember for some of us.. one to forget for others Braband) All in all, a quality trade that brings in a top 10 goalie and a sniper up front could prove to be just what this team needs to compete deep into the playoffs this year.



6. Blades of Steel (75 pts) - Contender *disclaimer: this was written AFTER Crosby's 4-point comeback game*
-Benji's team is comparable to that of a nerd in High School... one that has a cool side to him that everyone may not be aware of, only a select few. He plays the guitar and is also the captain of the ultimate frisbee team. He's just missing one thing.. the ability to score with chicks. Either his moves are too old and outdated or his strongest assest has been missing his whole life. Then all of a sudden one day, he gets a $100 haircut, some new threads and a shit load of confidence and BOOMMMM.. this dudes rolling in woman, has to hire a personal assistant just to keep track of his dates.
*OUTLOOK* If you didn't catch the point of that rant, Mike has his key asset to winning back, the one and only, Sidney Crosby. Clearly, Mike could NOT be happier about this... as a fantasy owner and a Rangers fan.. That said, I look at this team and a wave of worry comes over me.. the average age HAS to be upwards of 36 years old.. Good lord... That would concern me a bit as things tend to decline in old(er) age and injuries can pop up out of nowhere. He's got a few younger lads that can and will provide the scoring depth he needs to get by, but he could benefit from a trade that moves out a few veterans and brings in a potential keeper for next year who's under the age of 30. And if Mike Smith ever cools off, this team may end up relying WAY too much on Queen Henrik.



7. I Just Blue Myself (72 pts) - Contender
-There is ALWAYS money in the banana stand.. just as there is always a hidden gem buried somewhere a midst the teams in this league. If there is in fact a hidden gem, Deaver's team would be that gem. It's like being out at a bar in college on dollar shot night. It sounds the best idea ever.. and early on, it's going well, you're downing five shots at a time of cheap whiskey. But that homemade mac and cheese you had earlier in the day is trying to make an outgoing call... you hit double digit shots.. and not too long after, that mac and cheese hits the floor in a bathroom stall. Suddenly though, you feel like a million bucks after splashing some cool water on your face, a quick finger brushing of the ole chicklets and you're good as new. Sipping on cheap beer to get by the rest of the night with a slight buzz, you successfully pull off the puke-n-rally and take home a smoking hot Zeta sister and you never hear from her again aside from the random drunken hook-ups.
*OUTLOOK* The striking power that he possesses is impressive and I see a rally about to happen for Deaver. He still has a few players that have yet to wake up and produce some numbers, but that's all about to change as Ryan will surely turn things around and provide at 65+ point season, as well Jeff Carter is he stays healthy. Goalies could be an interesting story once Elliot cools off and reverts to the full time back up to Halak and then Brodeur re-injures himself and Deaver's left to rely on two of the stronger goalies in the league when everything's clicking, but will that be enough to get into the playoffs and compete?




8. Whalers Revenge (71 pts) - Contender
-Hey, remember that one time that Hartford had professional hockey team?!? Wait.. I'd better be nice, I don't want to piss off the fantasy hockey gods after making one of the bigger trades in league history. No crazy analogy for this team, his team name says it all.
*OUTLOOK* This team is one of the more underrated teams in the league, and now, with the addition of Miller and two insanely talented snipers up front, could this be just what Kataja needs to push through and end up on top of a division at the end of the regular season? He has both the Washington and Buffalo goalie situation taken care of, now he just needs them to take care of him and he should easily get 60+ wins between the 4 goalies and the potentially 44-52 goals between Kessel/Vanek over the course of the rest of the season. And all of that could easily put him on the top of the list for teams to watch out for come March/April.



9. Simmonds All-Stars (65 pts) - Could-be Contender
-Paul's team reminds me of the time I hung out with this girl back in college once, she seemed like a cool chick.. but man was I wrong.. she was fucking crazy. After a margarita party at my buddies and my place, things were dying down a bit and i was dying a slow death in the bathroom after attempting to practice for my 21st birthday celebration (This was maybe 2 months before my 21st birthday and it had been snowing for the past 2 days straight). Someone thought it was a great idea that I should def do this and go for 21 shots.. enter... cheap vodka.. cheap rum.. and to top it off.. cheap tequila. I thought that I was at the top of my drinking game at the time... I hit 19 shots and started to sweat.. the music starts to skip in my head as the room started to have a tilt-shift effect to it... I head to the bathroom.. do my thing.. feel MUCH better but all I want to do at this point is pass the FUCK out.. Well this chick that I spoke of earlier.. she had other ideas apparently. Not sure when I promised her that she could sleep in my room that night.. but that's what she was claiming as she was NOT quietly knocking on my door to remind me of this so called promise that I had made earlier. 5 minutes pass by.. still knocking.. 10 minutes pass by.. still knocking.. and now yelling.. 20 minutes pass by.. and thankfully my 'friend' (lets call him Spat SMuldowney) comes back to my door in my apartment to see what's going on, almost successfully talks crazychick out of being crazy........but apparently at some point, the conversation went from being sane and her going back out to the living room and chilling.. ... to her demanding that she needed to make sure that I was alright and that's ALL she wanted to do. FALSE........ Lets see what's behind door #2 Bob! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM... Down comes my door.. off of it's hinges, door frame shattered.. crazychick with her boot stuck in the door.. and Spat standing there laughing hysterically, claiming that he had nothing to do with this outcome. I did not say one word.. grabbed my pillow and comforter.. found my car keys and made my way out to my car in the middle of a snow storm to pass out and try to get some sleep somehow... After about 30 minutes of attempted sleep and near frostbite.. I make my way back into my apartment.. everything as I left it.. except now, crazychick is passed out in my bed. I ended up sleeping on the floor AND then had to drive crazychick back to her place mere hours later...
THE MORAL OF THE STORY... They may seem tame and not too dangerous.. but Paul's team is going to come busting down doors once Zetterberg, Semin, Morrow, Doan, Berglund and Ennis all starting contributing to his already strong core of players with Stamkos, Lecavalier, Chara and company.
*OUTLOOK* Just as other teams have a few guys that are under-performing, Paul is in the same boat and should have no problem competing in the offense categories each week. Again though, just as a few other teams have some goalie concerns, Paul could use another starter to give him less concern going forward. Quick is rarely ever a worry these days and it seems that Pavalec can provide decent numbers when he feels like it.. and Harding has proved to be lightning in a bottle over a short period of time so far this season, but we all know that won't last with Backstrom holding the starter spot and able to provide strong stretches of starts.




10. The A Line (57 pts) - Could-be Contender
- This could turn out to be the story of the year. Think.. the Devils of last season.. appeared to be dead in the water.. a few changes later, they're stringing together wins and moved out of their parents basement, even threatening to grab one of the last playoff spots in the East. We all know how that one ended.. will Aaron be able to give us all an alternate ending to that story?
*OUTLOOK* A few injuries could be of concern in the short-term with Penner and Myers out, but he wasn't relying on huge output from those guys anyway as Aaron has two of the more dominant, big centers in the league in Malkin and Thornton, add Datsyuk, Perry, Elias, Clowe and an INSANELY over paid Leino to that mix, his forward corp could prove to be scary down the stretch. And he'd be fine without one of the top D's in the league, but forget that.. Campbell.. Weber.. Carlson and Clitsome.. all with at least 2 goals, at least 6 assists.. and Campbell with 18 points and Weber at a +19.. WTF?!?!? How is he a +19 on that Predator team this early on in the season.. wow.
And time and time again.. it is going to come down to the goalie situation in this league for most teams, Aaron's no different. Price is coming around to be his old self and providing 2 SOs already, but Varlamov was handed the reigns in Colorado way too easily and this is showing.. numbers are rough and may only improve slightly.. With a trade for a goalie that might require giving up a top 3 scorer from this team, he could make the jump from last after week 5, into a playoff spot by week 18. Time will tell...




11. Returning Champion (55 pts) - Could-be Contender
-WTF is going on with this team?!? How is he almost in DEAD LAST in this league? Josh's team could be compared to that sweet dime bag that you stashed away for a rainy day. Completely forget about it for a few months and then all of a sudden, you remember where you hid it, pull that sucker out of hiding and light up a fatty. BEST.DAY.EVER.
Yea.. Josh's team could be in contention for a playoff spot by next week if he finds that stash.
*OUTLOOK* So... Josh's team is good.. just not right now. He has strong goalies.. just not right now.. he has Getzlaf.. and Dustin Brown.. and Havlat.. who all aren't providing what they should be right now. There's still hope for this team and he, and probably everyone else knows it.. they just won't say anything right now because they know in 10 weeks, trade deadline approaching, Josh pulls off a trade that doesn't look incredible, but it gets him into the playoffs somehow and then he ends up winning the entire fucking league.. Yea, not bitter or anything.. Just stating facts.


12. Take Baby Bites (48 pts) - TBD
Honestly.. I am baffled at this.. looking up and down the roster at this team.. he doesn't have any MAJOR superstars that will carry a team by themselves.. But he does have a lot of puzzle pieces that can make for a team that competes with the middle of the pack and squeak into the playoff picture. A trade that involved Josh giving up his 'top' player, Iginla, for some point production that was actually happening at this point in the season, unlike Jerome's minuscule production currently. I still can't put my finger on what this team will do in terms of a finish.. I need another two weeks and should have a better idea. (As I type this, I'm currently down 10-0 to Josh.. this week could be interesting, both from a clearly eating more than I should have on Thursday stand-point, and from a 'did I just really lose to Frenchie this week?' stand-point...
*OUTLOOK* When your top scorers are names Joffrey and Kris... yea I've got nothing. Granted Frenchie just pulled off a decent trade that brought in Lupul and Franzen, along with a hot MA Bergeron. He just needs guys like Kesler and Krejci to step up and he could break even each week, move up a few spots.. make another trade or two and that might be just what he needs to move up out of the depths of relegation.

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I was going to type up trade rumors and happenings on the acquisitions front.. but I went wayyy too deep into the stories and analogies.. but hopefully that provided to be more entertaining than a few player names and assumptions on who's dealing who.

Have a great turkey day fellas and LETS GO PENS!!

Week 1 Recap

Let's take a look back at the first week of the season after a successful offline draft and an extended week of games.

WEEK 1 MATCHUP RESULTS
DEAVER defeats OUELLETTE: 9-1-2

WRIGHT defeats HECKENBERGER: 9-2-1

SERRATORE defeats FLAHARTY: 7-3-2

KATAJA defeats BENJAMIN: 7-4-1

HERSHBERG defeats GOLDBLOOM: 7-4-1

KEBERT ties STEWART: 6-6-0

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1st - DEAVER
Studs - D.Sedin (2g, 7p, 4PPP) / Souray (1g, 4p, 15 PIMs) / Hiller (3w, 1.71 GAA, .931 SV%, 1 SO)
Duds - Alfredsson (1a, -5, 9 SOG) / Weiss (1g, -1, 2 SOG) / Brodeur (3.00 GAA, .909 SV% *INJURY)

2nd - WRIGHT
Studs - Kovalchuk (2g, 4p, 17 SOG) / Skinner (1g, 5p 3PPP) / Backstrom (2w, 1.93 GAA, .928 SV%)
Duds - Laich (1g, 5 SOG) / Kaberle (1a, -4, 10 SOG) / Mason (2L, 3.64 GAA, .886 SV%)

3rd - SERRATORE
Studs - H.Sedin (2g, 7p, +4, 3PPP) / Kane (2g, 6p, +3, 17 SOG) / Fleury (3w, 2.71 GAA, .907 SV%)
Duds - E.Kane (0p, -2, 12 SOG) / Fowler (0p, -1, 5 SOG)

4th - HERSHBERG
Studs - Giroux (3g, 2a, 3 PPP) / Backstrom (1g, 5p, 4 PPP, 12 SOG) / Bryzgalov (3w, 1.99 GAA, .927 SV%, 1 SO) / Howard (3w, 1.63 GAA, .930 SV%, 1 SO)
Duds - Keith (0p, -1, 11 SOG) / Ladd (0p, -1, 6 SOG)

5th - KATAJA
Studs - Stafford (3g, 4p, 10 SOG) / Letang (1g, 6p, 3PPP, 15 SOG) / Pacioretty (2g, 4p, 18 SOG) / Vokoun (3w, 2.57 GAA, .922 SV%)
Duds - Ryder (0p, 3 SOG) / Zibanejad (1a, -4, 4 SOG)

6th - KEBERT
Studs - Kessel (5g, 7p, 11 SOG) / Vanek (3g, 7p, 20 SOG) / Miller (2w, 2.35 GAA, .928 SV%)
Duds - Enstrom (0g, 1p, 2 SOG) / Grabner (1g, 1p, 5 SOG) / Roloson (1w, 4.35 GAA, .883 SV%)

7th - STEWART
Studs - Neal (5g, 6p, 24 SOG) / Kopitar (3g, 7p , 3PPP) / Reimer (3w, 2.34 GAA, .927 SV%, 1 SO) / Theodore (2w, 0.96 GAA, .965 SV%)
Duds - Hedman (0p, 2 PIMs) / Stepan (0p, -1, 2 SOG)

8th - GOLDBLOOM
Studs - Benn (1g, 3p, 13 SOG) / Karlsson (6a, 5 PPP, 9 SOG) / Pronger (1g, 5p, 4PPP)
Duds - Umberger (0p, -1, 9 SOG) / Larsson (0p, 6 SOG) / Okposo (1a, -1, 5 SOG)

9th - BENJAMIN
Studs - Steen (3g, 5p, 18 SOG) / Eriksson (3g, 1 SHP, 10 SOG) / Smith (1w, 0.96 GAA, .955 SV%)
Duds - Hornqvist (0p, 4 SOG) / Ray Whitney (1a, -1, 3 SOG) / Anderson (1w, 5.07 GAA, .853 SV%)

10th - FLAHARTY
Studs - Tavares (5g, 8p, +4, 12 SOG) / Doan (3g, 7p, 4PPP, 18 SOG) / Quick (1w, 1.42 GAA, .958 SV%)
Duds - Ennis (0p, 2 SOG) / T.Ruutu (0p, 4 SOG) / Chara (0p, 12 SOG) / Pavelec (2L, 4.56 GAA, .833 SV%)

11th - HECKENBERGER
Studs - Malkin (1g, 3p, 2 PPP) / Varlamov (3w, 2.17 GAA, .938 SV%)
Duds - More than half of his team... (Boyes, Leino, Penner, Cole, Mueller, Thornton all with 0 points) / Price (1L, 4.32 GAA, .824 SV%)

12th - OUELLETTE
Studs - Spezza (1g, 4p, 17 SOG) / Latendresse (4a, +3, 10 SOG) / Lehtonen (4w, 1.48 GAA, .955 SV%)
Duds - Paajarvi (0p, 5 SOG) / Byfuglien (0p, -3, 10 SOG) / Luongo (1w, 3.60 GAA, .871 SV%)

Draft Recap / Team Grades / Season Outlooks

October 11, 2001

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First off, I just want to thank everyone again for being apart of this already great fantasy hockey league, and I only see things getting better from here on out as the changes we've already made appear to be moves in the right directions and the new blood we've added should only help support the activity increase throughout the season.

Ok fellas.. Lets take a look at how things played out after the draft was completed and the season is FINALLY under way.

Lets grade each teams draft as well as a few other random factors. Starting with last place from 2010 and working our way through to the 'returning champ', Mr. Goldbloom.

I've given my personal takes on each team and I've also asked your co-commis to give his take on the squads as well. Most people know him as Hersh Kiper Jr., His Jew Fro precedes him...

FLAHARTY (Simmonds All-Stars)

Draft Grade: C+

-His depth at Center is strong along with the support on the wing with a few players having multiple position eligibility.

-Defense was not a huge focus for Paul, but he'll get enough contribution from Chara and a solid +/- from Timonen/Burns to make up for the lack of depth on the blueline.

-Goalie could be a bit of a concern as Quick could easily win 35+ games this season and become a top 3 fantasy goalie... OR... he could stumble a bit and concede the starting position to Bernier who could emerge as the shining star of that goaltending duo.

Team Name Grade: C

-Lack of creativity but it could be worse (See KStew's current team name)

Season Outlook:

Misses playoffs & winds up in the 7th or 8th spot due to goalies losing starts as the season wears on..

Hersh's Take: Like the freshman you gleefully titty-fucked in your fraternity closet, Paul's team is top heavy but not all there in the head. His first season of fantasy hockey sees him with two dynamic, game changing centers, a group of consistent veterans and a handful of breakout candidates. Unfortunately for Paul, his hockey knowledge is still in growth phase and until it matures, his team will continue to make regrettable decisions (the least of which is choking on a strong fantasy name).

HECKENBERGER (Crosby's Headaches)

Draft Grade: B+

-Again, the depth at Center is strong (this will be a theme for the year as the Center position is as deep as it's even been in fantasy hockey). Luke went with an interesting mix of wingers as he's got some proven veterans and some potential breakouts if they can stat healthy.

-His defensive corp could be one of the best in the league in terms of upside, with Weber, Myers, Carlson, Clitsome & Ellis (dropped after the draft). If Carlson/Clitsome get PP time and put up numbers, look out kids.

-In terms of net minders, Luke has, yet again, one of the best arsenal in the league with Price (as a 9th round keeper) and then Varly and Dubnyk. If the Oilers and Avalanche can maintain some sense of defense in that powerful west conference, Luke has a chance to put up victories each and every week in the goalie cats.

Team Name Grade: D-

It's getting old people.. yes I know this is a new season and you might not have had time to change your fantasy team name last season because you were probably out of the playoff race and stopped paying attention, so sure, you wanted a chance to take a crack at one of the best players in the world... But don't you worry, he'll be back soon and just like your fantasy team come February.. your team name will be irrelevant.

Season Outlook:

Will make playoffs & finish 3rd-5th

Hersh's Take: Unfortunately for newbie Heckenberger, Malkin's vaginal pains might prove more disastrous than Crosby's head aches. Malkin is as dominant as he is ugly, and he makes Gerard Depardieu look like one handsome plane pisser. If he's not 100% percent this season, I'm not sure 87-year old Patrik Elias has enough left in the tank to carry the squad. Selecting Grant Clitsome was a wise decision--he'll bring enjoyment to the daily roster change, regardless of whether or not he's in the AHL by midseason.

HERSHBERG (99 Pat Falloons)

Draft Grade: A+

-Wow.. this is what happens when you find yourself out of the running for a playoff spot for the first time in AGES. You put that business degree to work and make some deals that end up providing you with enough top end talent to foster two strong fantasy teams in the same league.

Top to bottom, one of the best teams in the league.

Almost completely balanced in terms of point contribution with a healthy amount of Goals, Assists and Powerplay time from all positions.

-The ONLY reason this team could come out on the losing end, would be its rostered goalies. Bryz will undoubtedly provide a robust amount of W's and great numbers otherwise and Howard will always provide the Wins and OK numbers. But after that.. there's a HUGE risk/high reward factor when it comes to Bernier/Nabokov. Both could end up stealing away the starting spots and if this happens, there's no doubt in my mind that Hersh competes for 1st overall at the end of the season.

Team Name Grade: A-

Solid creativity and a GREAT avatar picture to boot.

Season Outlook:

Makes Playoffs & takes 1st or 2nd overall

Hersh's Take: The soundtrack playing in my head during the first two rounds. Good luck.

WRIGHT (Dry Island All-Stars)

Draft Grade: B-

Justin has a pretty well rounded squad that should fair pretty well if they remain healthy. He has a few possible injury concerns that could throw a wrench in his playoff hopes, but if his guys stay healthy and put up their projected numbers, he should sneak into the playoffs with a few necessary moves through the season.

-Strong on the wings and his D-men should put up decent numbers, especially in the assists category as he has a few puck movers that can dish off to those streaking wingers.

-Goalies could be hit or miss for Justin as he has three quality starters, but injuries have seemed to plague Backstrom over the past few season and Steve Mason's starting duties could be in jeopardy once Dekanich comes back healthy and challenges Mason for that starting role.

Team Name Grade: A-

Creative and relevant

Not sure who named their squad first btwn Paul and Justin, but we'll see who comes out on between these two 'All Star' teams.

Season Outlook:

Should make the playoffs & finish 4th-6th

Hersh's Take: Considering Justin might not read this email until Mid-November, let's just fast-forward to that point in time. Kovy? -28. Cammelleri? Press box, with cast. Steve Mason? I hear Syracuse is lovely in the winter. On the bright side, Jordan Staal should be centering the top line in Pittsburgh as Sid and Geno spoon in the hotel room, watching Jagr highlights on TV. Cam Ward for MVP. Great name though, one of the best.

BENJAMIN (Blades of Steel)

Draft Grade: C+

Mikey's got some talented players as he chose to keep 5 players in his first 6 rounds, coming away with a balanced group in position, assuming Crosby comes back within a month or so like expected and has no setbacks throughout the season. If that's the case, he'll be competing for a playoff spot no doubt.

-His forwards consist of a fairly older group of veterans that usually put up decent point totals, but health could be a concern for a few of his guys as they've have injury troubles in seasons past.

-Defense is top notch with a couple older vets that can and will put up quality numbers.

-With Lundqvist as the main starter, Mike will get his fair share of Wins with a few Shutouts sprinkled in, but Anderson and Smith should provide a little concern as their numbers will be directly related to which defense shows up in front of them each night. Ottawa looks to turn things around from last years debacle on the blueline while Phoenix might take a 180 turn for the worse and Smith could face 40+ shots a game.

Team Name Grade: A-

Classic Original... never goes out of style

Season Outlook:

Fights for one of the last playoff spots. Ends up 5th-7th place

Hersh's Take: As a Rangers fan, would you really be terribly disappointed if your stud C misses the majority of the season? It's only money, right? I look forward to returning the favor this year and acquiring the final piece to my puzzle from you as you fade out of contention.

STEWART (I Got Frattchulence)

Draft Grade: N/A

I refuse to grade this team due to having possibly one of THE WORST fantasy hockey team names EVER... I swear to god, if you drafted Matt Frattin (in the 14th round, mind you) for the sole purpose of giving your team this idiotic name, I will drive up there to pay you a visit and shave your head while you're sleeping and wipe my ass with one of your stupid Rangers jersey's...

Speaking of the Rangers.. I'm not sure who makes worse decisions, you or your hockey team.. This one might be a push.

Team Name Grade: F

STUPID

Season Outlook:

All stupid team names aside.. Kstew has assembled a unique squad that could give other owners nightmares when trying to prepare for a matchup with this team. As Stewart put it best, he's out for blood this year. (We're still not sure whether he's referring to fantasy hockey or the younger female crowd.. lock up your little sisters fellas, this could get dangerous)

With that being said... I hope you take home last place and have to pay $25 on top of your entry fee next season.

Hersh's Take: Given his horrendous choice of team name and his history of fantasy ineptitude, it would be easy to hate on young Stew. However, this was probably his best showing at a Fantasy Draft I've seen to date. A pretty solid, well-mixed roster of youth and experience, goaltending could prove to be your Achilles heal. That or drafting Matt Frattin over any other player with a pulse. And at the end of the day, I'd rather ride shotgun with Dany Heatley on a windy road than put my money on K-Stew in fantasy.

KATAJA (Whalers Revenge)

Draft Grade: B-

A decent group of players drafted by Kataja, with a strong group of keepers that will undoubtedly help compete for a playoff spot this season. Any team with Ovie will obviously have a chance to win given his multiple stat dominance as long as he's healthy.

-Another team that has a mix of veteran players to compliment a strong core of young guns on offense.

-The D-line looks like it could compete with any team as long as Gonchar (sans 2010) shows up and doesn't end up a -50 on the year.

-The situation in net is an intriguing one because Halak is a solid starter and the Blues are only continuing to improve each season with their pack of offensive d-men. The Caps goalie situation could provide a multitude of wins, but the other numbers could go up and down more than Kstews mom on a Friday night back in 1978.

Team Name Grade: A

Just like the city of Hartford, Kataja will never give up on the Whale and is proud to display that fact.

Season Outlook:

Should make the playoffs & will finish 3rd-5th

Hersh's Take: If it were NHL '05, Kataja's Gomez/Selanne/Gonchar trio would be scary. Sadly for Kataja, I'd prefer Andrew Cassels/Geoff Sanderson/Pat Verbeek. If Vokoun's early season hiccups are just that, his starting pair has high-end potential. Unlike Hartford, which is a shit hole.

DEAVER (I Just Blue Myself)

Draft Grade: B+

Johnny boy drafted a pretty decent lineup with the ONLY downside being the fact that he has 4 of his beloved Blues on his roster, which could hinder him when the Blues have a week where they only play 2-3 games. Other than that, he's got a team that will compete.

-What a strategy.. Deaver went with 3 solid snipers in picks 1-3 (Sedin, Carter, Ryan) AND THEN decided not to mess around and went with 3 solid goalies in Hiller, Rinne and Brodeur. He should have no problem competing to win all goalie cats each week as long as the early 2010 Devils don't show up and Marty stays healthy.

-He also chose to go with some gritty wingers, and vets that can produce 40-55 pts each season. Add in an old dog in a new home (Souray) and he's well rounded and ready to compete.

(My original) Team Name Grade: B+

Decent creativity but the underlying innuendo is a bit disconcerting.

(My adjusted) Team Name Grade: A+

Simply because I was filled in on the Arrested Development reference in the team name. Now I get it and so will the rest of you.

Season Outlook:

Makes the playoffs and could compete for 1st overall. Finishes 1st-3rd.

Hersh's Take: Without question my favorite name in the league. Deaver's squad is as well-rounded as anyone, and provided TJ Oshie remembers to play more than 8 games this year, he'll be in good shape.

SERRATORE (Orange & Black)

Draft Grade: C+

When in doubt.. draft a Flyer (or former Flyer)

-I really like the Evander Kane pick in the 8th round, he could easily top 70+ points this season if the Jets can get things clicking these first few weeks.

-The Jagr pick in the 6th round is another story. Sure he's got some upside and there's a chance for high reward there, but there were plenty of other talented players left on the board at that point in the draft. To each his own though, and I'm sure he'll provide 15-20 PP points and net 15-20 goals on the season, so it could pay off for James.

-The d-core should present OK numbers with each being on a + team.

-Goalies are half good, half not so much. Fleury and Kipper will both post 35+ win seasons and should start 60+ games each behind fairly strong defenses. Bobrovsky MAY start all of 15 games, mostly back-to-back matchups, but you NEVER know... DiPietro is a questionable pick and the Islanders goalie situation is one that I wouldn't touch with a 40-foot pole.

Team Name Grade: 'D' (is for dress shirt...)

Lack of creativity and horrible colors in general.. I'll just assume you're getting into the Halloween mood a bit early.

Season Outlook:

Will make the playoffs & finish 1st-4th

Hersh's Take: Expect more from Serratore in terms of naming creativity. Kane, Kane & Kiprusoff, Attorneys at Law has a better ring. Although Chalky White might not like that acronym all that much. However, I disagree with Kyle's sentiment on Jagr. Don't allow your bitterness to cloud the fact that JJ is playing with Claude Giroux and JVR--60 points is a lock IMO. And while some picks reek of blatant Homer-ism (get it, see what I did there? Paul?), knowing that 40% of the league is Flyers fans allowed him to get the guys he wanted and scoop them from the rest of us.

KEBERT (Le Magnifique)

**Hersh Kiper Jr. was asked to give his expert opinion on this squad.

Draft Grade: Incomplete

75% of Kyle's roster will be dropped and replaced by waiver wire pickups, so it's impossible to accurately grade it as it stands.

Team Name Grade: B+

Can't really hate on an ode to a great player, although he has lost some of his luster after his "woe is me" act last season with suspension talk. If you want real change, waive Matt Cooke. Oh wait, Sid needs a winger and we've got nobody else.

Season Outlook:

Come on, it's Fantasy Hockey. Kyle and Andrea have already agreed to name their first born child EJ HradeKebert. He'll be there at the end...even if his roster undergoes a larger face lift than Joan Rivers. OH BAM!

Kebert's Take: I will no doubt, revamp my roster and will have used 26/30 roster moves by February, only saving the final moves to pull the rug out from under Hersh in the Finals. Bring it bitches.

OUELLETTE (Take Baby Bites)

Draft Grade: A-

I'm a fan of Frenchie's squad, he has a great mix of role players that will easily post 70+ points and then he also took a chance on a few younger players that could surely pay off in the end and put up a strong debut/sophomore season.

-The grit he has with Iginla, Kesler (when he comes back healthy) & Callahan is a great mix of scoring meets grinding secondary assists + PIMs.

-The defensive players Josh took will provide the points necessary to put him on the winnings side of things come the end of the week games on Sundays. That extra assist Byfuglien will provide on the PP or that goal that Shattenkirk nets in the 1st period of a game will come in handy when it all comes down to the final stats.

-If Lehtonen stays healthy, Josh will be fine to compete for each goalie category through out the season, EVEN IF Luongo has one of his bad games every other week, Schneider will be there to pick up the pieces and provide a great 3rd fantasy goalie option. This could certainly be the case if/when Schneider gets traded mid-way through the season to Columbus as they try to make ends meet after Mason continues to struggle and Dekanich can't remain healthy long enough to be a factor. (You heard it here first kids..)

Team Name Grade: B+

Can't give it an 'A' because it has to do with an inside joke, so not many can or will understand, but still a strong name none the less.

Season Outlook:

Will make the playoffs and compete for a top 3 finish once again.

Hersh's Take: Weak sauce for using an inside joke for a team name in the public domain, weaker sauce for picking Ryan Johansen and not emailing the league with some link and/or reference to Scarlett's topless cell phone pics. Yeah, enjoy that fellas.

GOLDBLOOM (Returning Champion)

Draft Grade: A-

Goals, Assists, PIMs, PP points, two goalie keepers in the 17th & 20th rounds. Josh could very well compete for a top 3 spot yet again this year, if not 1st overall come seasons end.

-His forward group is multi-talented down the line and will should have no problem putting up the numbers needed to come away with victories each week of the season. The strong mix of talent that he's put together is impressive with young ranging from Eberle/Benn and moving up the ladder to Semin/Havlat, guys that like could have some great years if the injury bug doesn't hit them at all.

-Defense... Chris Pronger (37 years old and slow as hell) Adam Larsson (18 and full of energy) this could make for an interesting roller coaster ride of numbers through the season.

-Thomas/Rask, can't go wrong there as you'll have get 45-50 wins and solid numbers and the Crawford, if healthy and doesn't lose the job somehow, will be a steady supply of positive stats.

Team Name Grade: A-

Can't say much here.. it is true.. just be ready to change it when Hersh pummels you and the injury bug strikes your roster and you're struggling to make the playoffs come March.

Season Outlook:

Will make the playoffs and finish 1st-3rd

Hersh's Take: The champion has returned with a strong roster this season, that much is sure. Here's hoping for a Cup hangover for Boston, now THAT'S something everyone can get behind.

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That's it fellas.. Here's hoping everyone remember's to set their lineups and no one rolls over mid-season.